


You were not supposed to leave this world

by MuffinOfTheDarkSide



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is alive, Dean has regrets, Dean's being a dick to Jack, Dean's drinking, Dean's grieving, Gen, Jack is trying to do right things, Men of Letters Bunker, Possible Spoilers, and he's gonna be back, beginning of season 13, dreams about Castiel, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinOfTheDarkSide/pseuds/MuffinOfTheDarkSide
Summary: Based on a tumblr post, shaped with late-night theories and most importantly - powered by sadness and pain of my beloved DutchmanCallypso.





	You were not supposed to leave this world

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DutchmanCallypso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DutchmanCallypso/gifts).



> And here’s a poem she asked me for:
> 
> Roses are red  
>  Violets are blue  
>  Supernatural hurts my heart  
>  I’m stuck in this friendship with you
> 
> I tried.

_Dean smiled softly when their eyes met. He was enjoying this moments of peace, as they were so rare. His body felt heavy, but he didn’t mind, because he knew he would get his well-deserved rest after an exhausting hunt. He gave a soft sigh and looked at the darkening sky._

_“Cas?” he all but whispered._

_“Hm?” the angel hummed and tangled his fingers with Dean’s for a brief moment as a sign he was listening._

_“This is perfect.” There was so much on his mind, but… somehow he didn’t find more words. A poet could use a million words but never truly describe how Dean felt. The angel just smiled and turned to his side. The night was coming quickly, but the air was still warm and had a soft, sweet scent. Like in those carefree childhood summers Dean never had a chance to experience._

_“Yes.”_

_“Come here,” the hunter mouthed and touched the side of Castiel’s neck._

Just a split second before their lips met, Dean opened his eyes swiftly. A loud thud made him jump and he almost fell off the small couch he was lying on. He looked around in shock and confusion. It was only a dream. Again.

“Fuck!” Dean shouted on top of his lungs. He barely recognized his voice. It was rough and tired. Before he could avoid it, a sob made its way out of his throat and he felt burning behind his eyes. He got very familiar with this burning lately. He couldn’t help it. He stopped fighting it. When the burning didn’t disappear, he buried his face into a pillow and let the tears soak in. His whole body trembled with every sob and this was how Sam found him. Again.

“Dean…” he sighed and sat down on the floor next to the couch that Dean refused to leave. Sam almost knocked a half empty Old Forester over – the bottle slipping out of Dean’s loosened grip and hitting the floor was the sound that woke him up. He was rarely able to fall asleep without drinking ever since Cas died. And if he was, he didn’t have these dreams. “Dean, look at me,” Sam urged. “You can’t keep doing this. We’ve got work to do.”

“What’s the point of it, Sammy? Hm?! Cas is gone. He’s gone, Sam! Where.. where is that bottle?” the older hunter mumbled into the pillow as he was trying to grab the bottle, but instead he grabbed Sam’s knee. Dean pushed himself up with one hand, breathing heavily. It was too much effort right now. “What’s that smell?” he grunted.

“That’s you, Dean! You’ve been lying on this couch for days, just drinking and sleeping. Dean, I understand that you miss Cas, but—“

“You don’t understand!” Dean barked and grimaced immediately when his achy head disagreed with the volume of his voice. He whined and put his head back on the pillow. Then he wiped the tears with the back of his palm before he continued. “You don’t understand anything, Sam. He’s gone and… and…” his voice broke and he paused for a moment, but Sam didn’t say a word. He’s heard this so many times and knew that there won’t be any conversation with Dean before he repeats it again. “I didn’t tell him that I loved him, Sam!” Dean finished finally.

None of the brothers has noticed a young boy standing in the door at the opposite side of the room. He was watching them with interest and confusion. He was in this world only for a few days; he didn’t understand Dean’s feelings. But he figured that Dean was grieving for a loved person. Jack considered Castiel to be his father, but he didn’t really know him. He was supposed to keep him safe and now he was dead. That’s all Jack knew. Now Sam and Dean were keeping him safe. Before his breakdown Dean seemed as a strong and fearless man and Sam was even nice to him. Jack was scared and confused and needed them, depended on them. After a while of hesitation he dared to make a few steps towards the brothers.

“Dean,” he said in a low voice and it reminded Dean of Castiel so painfully. Sam turned his head towards the boy and gave him a tired half-smile. Dean shifted and tried to focus on the boy, but he was anything but glad to see him.

“It’s all because of you,” he muttered weakly and buried his face back to the pillow.

“Dean, you know it’s not Jack’s fault!” Sam scolded him. Grieving or not, he can’t blame it on Jack.

“Just leave me alone, both of you!” Dean grunted angrily and finally took a hold of the bottle.

“I don’t understand,” Jack said weakly. Just like Castiel would, only more humanly.

“Get out!” the older hunter barked. The look in his eyes was frightening. Sam didn’t say anything, just placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder and pushed him softly towards the door. As they were walking away, Dean fell asleep again and a few seconds later Jack twitched and stopped in the middle of a movement. He turned back to Dean, his eyes wide open.

“What is it, Jack?” Sam asked, alarmed.

“I… think… no, nothing. Just… voices, I hear voices, sometimes. But I didn’t since we have arrived to the Bunker. But this was just… I don’t know. I probably imagined it.” He looked at Sam for a few long seconds.

***

_“Where are we?” Dean asked. He was lying at the end of a short pier, looking down into the depths of clean lake water full of life. The sky was bright blue and the air had the familiar sweet scent. The angel was sitting next to him, his bare feet immersed in the cold water. His trench coat was spread under Dean and he was only wearing white shirt and black trousers, even his tie was loosened._

_“This is your heaven, Dean,” Castiel said softly._

_“Am I dead?” Dean looked at the angel._

_“No, Dean.”_

Meanwhile Jack was wandering through the corridors. He wasn’t going anywhere particular. Sam told him to try and get some sleep, but he wasn’t sure how to do it. He’s slept before, but it felt strange and a little uncomfortable to him. He didn’t like dreams he was having; he’s been told it’s not real, but still. He was quite tired, but didn’t want to sleep. There were so many new things. It wasn’t easy. He grew up too fast, literally. Lost in thoughts he opened a random door, he had no idea where he was. He twitched again. That voice, he heard it again, just for a brief moment, but it was definitely there! The door opened with a loud creak and he realized that it was the same room where he’s heard it in the afternoon.  He walked in slowly, looking around warily.

_“Dean, there’s something very important I need to tell you,” Castiel said a few moments later. He felt different than in the other dreams. Somehow… real._

_“What is it?” Dean asked._

Jack didn’t hear the voice anymore, but he sensed that Dean wasn’t in a good condition. It was probably because of all that alcohol. If he continued like this, he’d drink himself to death soon. Jack knew he had some healing powers, but didn’t know much about them. So he did what he thought was right – he placed a hand on Dean’s head lightly and focused. It worked! But it also woke Dean up. Castiel was trying to say something, but his face vanished and Dean sobered up suddenly.

“Wha-what?” Dean grunted when he opened his eyes and all but jumped when he saw big confused eyes staring at him.

“Holy crap, Jack, you scared the shit out of me!” he exhaled heavily. Jack furrowed his eyebrows at that expression, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to upset Dean again. He knew Dean wouldn’t be able to hurt him, but… still.

“Are you okay, Dean?” the boy asked quietly.

“I’ve had a… strange dream,” Dean admitted. “About Cas.” His voice shivered. “What are you doing here, anyway?” the bitterness towards Jack was back as he woke up completely.

“I.. um..” Jack hesitated. After a few moments of silence he decided to continue. “I’ve heard a voice. When you were sleeping.” Dean was on his legs in the next second, searching for his gun promptly.

“What voice? Where? What did it say?”

“Something… I did not… understand everything, but… it said the word ‘important’,” Jack said slowly and looked at Dean. The older hunter frowned.

“And you’re sure it wasn’t me sleep talking?”

“No. I’ve heard that voice in my head and it was not your voice. What was it, Dean?”

“I guess you need to get some sleep, boy. So do I,” Dean said and his tone of voice made Jack just nod and leave him alone. But he was still confused and didn’t believe it was his imagination. Dean grabbed the bottle again. But Cas didn’t come back into his dream that night.

***

Jack was almost sure that he’s heard the voice only when Dean was asleep. He didn’t know what it could mean, but the next morning, on his way to the kitchen, he walked into the room where Dean was sleeping first. It was a small room with only a couch, ancient TV and a few bookcases. The whole Bunker was full of books and Jack couldn’t wait to read them and fill his mind with knowledge. He’s read a few religious books already, hoping to learn more about his family and himself. Unfortunately he didn’t really find much information about his chosen father – Castiel. And he was too scared to ask Dean about him, since he seemed to be extremely sensitive when someone mentioned him. When he entered the room, Dean was still sleeping and the empty bottle was dropped on the floor. It wasn’t a nice thing to see. And there was also no sign of the mystery voice, so Jack left quietly.

About a half an hour later, when Jack was sitting in the kitchen, munching on cornflakes with yoghurt and fruit that Sam prepared for him. The younger hunter went out for his morning run and left the boy in the kitchen alone.

“Hey, kiddo. Fancy breakfast, huh?” Dean mumbled. His head felt like it was going to blow up. He opened the fridge, took bacon and eggs out and closed it again.

“Sam says I need to eat healthy,” Jack shrugged, glad that Dean wasn’t bitter towards him.

“Hm. What were you doing last night, wandering around? What were you looking for?” Dean asked and Jack tensed at the tone of his voice.

“I-I just… I couldn’t sleep so I… I wasn’t looking for anything, I just didn’t know what else to do,” he stammered. Sometimes he was scared of Dean.

“You know, I was having a dream about Cas. He was trying to tell me something important,” Dean started rising his voice. “And he felt real. I thought, maybe, maybe there was a little bit of him left. But then you did something and he vanished and didn’t come back!” He was almost screaming at the poor boy now.

“I… I didn’t… I didn’t mean to,” Jack said quietly and his voice shivered a little which irritated Dean.

“You, you are going to do something very bad one day, on purpose or not and then you will feel the consequences, you hear me?!” Dean barked and the boy disappeared. Again, he didn’t mean to. He wasn’t controlling his powers and in this moment he wanted to be as far away from Dean as possible. Luckily for him, out of all places possible, and fortunately he didn’t know many of them yet, he found himself in his room. He sat down on the bed and sighed heavily. He didn’t understand why Dean hated him. He didn’t do anything bad on purpose. Just a few moments later he’s heard a distant booming voice.

“Jack?! Where are you?” Dean was yelling while walking through the corridors, mad at himself for making the boy teleport who knows where. Jack wanted to teleport back to Dean, but he didn’t know how.

“I’m here!” he shouted back, hoping that Dean would hear him. Apparently he did, because he burst in the room not even ten seconds later. When Dean looked at the upset boy, he sighed. He knew it wasn’t his fault, he knew it from the very beginning.

“Good, I thought you teleported somewhere away, that would be a problem,” was all he said before he left the room.

***

A few evenings later Dean fell asleep on a couch in the living room while they all were watching a movie together. Sam insisted it was their responsibility to give Jack some cultural education and Dean was only willing to watch Star Wars. Jack had a wide smile on his face almost the whole time, he liked it even better than Scooby Doo, which he already loved. Nobody was checking on how much Dean drank, so his current condition could have easily been close to a coma. He’s had very little of self-control since he was grieving for Cas and it always got worse by the evening.

_“Dean, I probably don’t have much time,” the angel said._

_“What do you mean?” Dean asked and turned on his back. He was lying on the pier again, the same beautiful weather, the same clean water and his angel. But he seemed worried._

_“I’ve lost connection with you for a few days. Your mind was too strong. Dean, the only time we can communicate is when you weaken your mind enough with alcohol. That’s what I’ve noticed. But a few days ago I almost lost all of the control I’ve had. What happened?”_

_Dean sat up quickly._

_“What are you talking about, Cas? You are only a dream, aren’t you? Wait, are you real?!” he blurted and Castiel grimaced._

_“Easy, Dean. It’s very hard for me to be here. What happened, Dean? I felt a very strong healing power and it almost forced me out.”_

_“Uh… right, I woke up and Jack was there. He… he said he’s heard some voice!”_

“Jack, what is it?” Sam asked when he noticed the boy was staring at Dean.

“The voice. I can hear it again. And I can sense that Dean is intoxicated, it might be dangerous,” he said and reached his hand towards Dean’s head, but Sam stopped him.

“Wait. What voice is that? What is it saying?”

“It’s my father. Castiel. I can sense him.”

_“Cas, where are you? What happened? Are you dead?” Dean asked, his voice shivering as he was saying those words out loud._

_“No, Dean. Do you remember when we were in Purgatory? Do you remember how you got Benny out?”_

_“Uh, yes, yes, I do, are you in Purgatory?!”_

_“No. A small part of me is inside of you. I put it in when I was healing your wound, just before Lucifer killed me. Dean, it’s not Jack’s fault, don’t treat him like it is. You need to find a spell to get me out. I have to leave you now,” he explained and vanished._

_“Cas, wait!” Dean shouted_ and as he was waking up, it came out as a much lower, but still urgent pleading.

“Dean! Dean!” a voice was coming to him while he was still half-sleeping. His head was heavy and he felt sick, but his mind was focused.

“Dean, are you up? Dean, we gotta talk to you!” Sam was urging over and over again.

Dean looked at him and grinned.

“We are going to bring Cas back,” he grunted and tried to rise up from the couch, but his body didn’t let him. “Okay, you and kiddo get the books, I need a minute for that midget in my head to stop banging around with a hammer.”

“What do you mean, Dean, where is Cas?” Sam asked, confused.

“Apparently, a piece of him is inside of me. We need to get him out. Although, when I tell him what I was supposed to tell him a long time ago, that _piece_ might come back inside,” he winked and Sam rolled his eyes.

Jack tilted his head in confusion just like Castiel would. “What?”


End file.
